Is It Just ME??

What is this world coming to?

2006-11-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

Really.

I just opened up the news page on my computer hoping to read some interesting up to date, make me more knowledgeable about the world news.

Across the top the headline read:

BREAKING NEWS: Britney Spears files for divorce.

Is this a shock to anyone? I mean really. Could you be married to a punk wanna be black rapper like Kevin Federline? Even in my desperation to find someone to share the rest of my life with, I could NEVER date, yet alone be married to anyone like K-Fed.

As slutty and skanky as Britney is, I really thought she had a little more couth about her than to marry him. She should have stuck it out when she married the old high school boyfriend in Vegas. It probably would have lasted longer.

Inspiration

2006-11-07T12:11:00.000-08:00

I have been inspired. Inspired by my friend KAD. She has made a commitment to write every day on her blog. It stems from this NaBloPoMo. I'm just calling it "make me feel ridiculously inadequate as a blogger" month.

Anyway, KAD has made me realize that I can at least write once a day. It isn't all that hard. Just a couple lines here and there. I can surely come up with something each and every day....surely.

Let's be honest up front, I am more than likely not going to have posts for the first six days of the month. I can't go back now. Only full steam ahead.

What does this mean for you? Well for the three of you that actually read this, it means you get to read my ramblings each and every single day. Consider it my gift to you.

The holidays are fastly approaching and I am in a tizzy. A tizzy over schedules, gatherings, gifts, etc. And all to fast the holidays will be gone and I will wait with anticipation until the next holiday season.

And with a month....

2006-10-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

there is still no news to report in my dating life. I have had a few conversations with the hot cop, but no date. I keep telling myself that he is out serving and protecting and that is the reason he has not called. Sounds good, huh? It is true, he works a lot. He even mentioned that it was pretty difficult for him to have a life outside of work. I understand this. It is totally difficult for me to have a life outside of work and being a parent. The quest for happiness continues.

On another note this morning I have been thinking...surprising, right? It's holiday time and I am not even remotely prepared for it. I have made no concrete plans for family visits, no concrete lists of gifts, no concrete lists of food I must have, nothing. I am feeling really behind.

First Day of Fall

2006-09-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

I was so excited and anxious for the day to get here. The day where I can put away the sleeveless, the tanks, the shorts, the capris and pull out the sweaters, long sleeves, sweatshirts and jeans.

The first day of fall was not the day. It was 90 degrees in Memphis...a heat wave. A little cooler than it has been but not at all the days of fall I am awaiting.

...........

My weekend was how shall I say, uneventful? The precious angel was with her father and that made me happy. I love my alone time.

I was reminiscing this weekend about my life before the precious angel. The sleeping late on Saturdays, eating chips for dinner if I felt like it, being a bum...and I LOVED it!!

Now, times have changed. I took on the responsibility of raising a child. No more sleeping late, no more eating junk for dinner, no more just being; except on the weekends when she is with her father. I ate junk all weekend. I slept later than normal and I was a bum. It felt good.

Maybe a Little Premature Here

2006-09-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

This is probably a little premature and could very well jinx any and all possibilities, but I might possibly have a date in the near future!

I know, I know, pick yourself up off of the floor. It is true. I met someone at my friend's Labor Day cookout last Sunday. He is in law enforcement, which I like. We had a great conversation. He looks good. What more could I ask for, right?

My friends are going to plan a casual evening of fun and invite the both of us so we can get to know each other a little more.

I have probably just jinxed this to hell in a hand basket, but I had to tell someone...you know, the three people that actually read this!!

Go ahead and throw stones...

2006-08-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

I know I said that I would update this most boring blog on a regular basis, so sue me.

It's Saturday morning and I have had my coffee and a doughnut, started some laundry and the dishwasher (forgot that one last night). I feel productive. The child is gone to her father's and I am alone. I started my grocery list, which sucks. I hate going to the grocery store, not more than I hate going to Walmart, but I still hate it.

Which makes me realize, I think I am in a cooking rut. I feel like I cook the same meals over and over. I think today I will branch out. Find some new recipes. Try something different. The world has no bounds for me today.

Stay tuned for an exciting post on my cooking adventures today.

Library Excitement!

2006-08-13T11:34:00.000-07:00

From the books, that is. I wish I could report that I met the most romantic man of my dreams but I didn't. He just was not there. In fact, there were not as many men in the bookstore as usual. It was quite depressing.

On the other hand, I did quite enjoy perusing the books and enjoy my very over priced coffee! I had sworn off my $6 a day habit, but I can't resist.

I have also resorted to watching sappy chic flicks on television. You know the ones I am talking about...where the girl ALWAYS finds the love she is looking for and they live happily ever after. The Wedding Date, Picture Perfect, etc. The movies that I actually "hate".

I think Satan will have the precious angel tonight as well. I see lots of wine in my immediate future!!

Boredom

2006-08-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

After several glasses of wine last night and lots of television, I finally went to sleep.

It is so odd that when my child is here I WANT to get in bed early, but when she is gone I can stay up until the wee hours of the morning. Just plain weird.

On another note, I am bored out of my mind! I have actually cleaned my house and done all my laundry. Strange, isn't it? My only other option is to get out in the yard and work there, but let's be honest. It's just to damn hot. So that's out.

I think I might go peruse the bookstore and see if I can meet a gentleman there. Have you ever noticed that men hang out in the magazine section? I think I might suddenly be interested in magazines!!

Wish me luck, I'm going hunting!!

My Most Boring Life

2006-08-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

Well folks, I'm back. I would love to say with some good news to report about my dating life, but no.

Squash hasn't called in over a month. Dick.

There have been no new prospects. I mean none, nada, zilch. Absolutely nothing. There was this one guy in my dreams, but that doesn't count, does it?

Satan has the precious angel for the weekend, and I am lonely. Nobody to take me out. My family is to far away to visit. I am loathing in self pity at this point. The wine is flowing and I have to admit, I stooped to playing internet games.

I am pathetic. At least I can admit it and move on.

I do plan to update this blog at least every other day. That doesn't seem like to much to do. Although, how interesting is it to read about how I can't stand my ex-husband, how my child gets on my last nerve, how I hate my job, how freaking lonely I am, etc.??

Well, the two or three of you that actually read this shit, will just have to deal with it. Because ONE DAY, I am going to have something interesting to write about!!!

I hope anyway.

More to come....

MIA

2006-05-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

I do apologize at the cobwebs on this blog. Yes, I have been MIA for over a week now. Not by choice. I have had a ton of work to do, still no excuse, but the main thing is this stupid sinus infestation that has taken over my body. I have felt like shit for a while now. Good news is, I am at work plugging away at never becoming a partner. Life is good.

On the up side, Squash called. Sunday afternoon. The precious angel was playing and I was resting on the couch. Can I strongly emphasize how fucking hard it is to be sick and take care of a three year old at the same time? Me constantly telling her to go play has made me feel like an even shittier mother than I already do. I so wanted to just go to sleep, but fear of her maiming herself nipped that in the bud.

Back to Squash. He called Sunday afternoon and said he might swing by my place if that was alright. I heard myself say sure, although I was a wreck and had not showered in about 2 days. What the hell was I thinking?? Anyway, I jumped in the shower. Started throwing things around, hiding them, picking up toys, dirty dishes, etc. I was trying desperately not to have my home look like a slob and her child lived there. It worked pretty well.

Time marches slowly by and no call from Squash. He finally called later in the afternoon and said he knew I was probably not up for company and that he would take a raincheck. OK, you invited yourself over, and now you want a raincheck? GEEZ. It was probably for the best, as I really looked like shit and didn't feel well.

Squash called this morning before I got to work and left a nice message just saying that he hoped I felt better and would talk to me soon. Hopefully, this week would be good.

The saga continues...

Mostly Uneventful Weekend

2006-05-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

It all began on Friday when Satan called to tell me that he was not in fact going to be able to pick up the precious angel as we had originally planned. BUT...he would pick her up Saturday morning. Fine and good, I had no plans for Friday night except laundry and pack for my business trip. I called Squash and left him a message. Pretty generic, "wondering how you are doing, give me a call when you get a chance".

Saturday morning Satan calls and said that he forgot that "they" (he and his new wife) had something to do and would be there later that afternoon. Fine. In the meantime, Squash calls. He invites me out for some appetizers and drinks. I of course say yes!! But then realize, I have nothing that I want to wear. So, I start the hunt for the perfect outfit. I finally find something that will do. Squash said he would call later and get directions to my house so he can pick me up.

Saturday afternoon comes and no Satan. He finally returns my numerous phone calls with the excuse "I didn't have phone service". Said they were running late and that he would just pick up the precious angel Sunday. FUCK. I was supposed to be on a plane Sunday morning and had a date for Saturday night. I think Satan tries to ruin any and all plans that I may have. I refuse to call his parents and ask them to pick her up and traveling practically across two states to my parents is not an option either. SO, I call the airline and change my travel arrangements to Monday morning. As much as I hate to do it, I have to call Squash and decline his invitation. I call Squash and tell him what's going on and he assured me that he understood. Hopefully Squash will call back and we can get together sometime soon.

My business trip was absolutely horrible. I was bored out of my mind and could not wait to get back home. I did meet an interesting man on my flight. He is from Texas. We will call him Cowboy. He is a businessman and very intriguing. He is very cute. We talked for what seemed like forever about everything. As we were parting ways in the airport, we exchanged information. I thought about emailing him, but decided I would wait a few days.

I have not heard from Squash yet, but hope to sometime this week. We'll see what happens next in this crazy world of dating for me.

Who Would Have Thunk It??

2006-05-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

You always see in the movies people meeting at the grocery store. Well friends, I have done just that. I guess I should rephrase, I didn't meet someone in the grocery store but bumped into an old pal...a male pal that is.

It was on Sunday afternoon. The precious angel and I were in the produce aisle looking at the squash. When all of a sudden, this manly voice speaks to me. I look around feverishly to make sure he is actually speaking to me, and he is!

Rewind about, oh I don't know, 11 years. College, dating Satan on and off (which was our ritual and I should have put 2 and 2 together then). Meet said hottie and go out on date. Have a great time. Satan comes back around to mislead and misguide my thinking (as was and still is his game). Get back together with Satan, against all my better judgment. Said hottie ends up dating a friend...bitch. Lose touch with said hottie after they break up and our lives part ways as they always do.

"Squash" as he will now be referred to is still as hot as ever. I don't think he has aged that much. We talked for a brief moment until my little chatter box decided to start talking about how Daddy got married and Mommy doesn't have a boyfriend. Apparently in preschool they have learned that girls have boyfriends and these boyfriends give flowers and candy. Oh, if it were just that easy.

I got embarrassed. He did ask for my number so we could catch up later. I gave it freely and was anticipating his call. Nothing, nada, zilch.

Maybe he just doesn't want to seem to eager. At least that is what I kept telling myself anyway. That is until he called today.

I felt like a little schoolgirl! I was so excited. We had a great conversation until he asked if he could call me back in a little while. I said sure and we ended the call.

Now a little while to me means usually an hour or so. Six hours later and still no call from Squash. I realize that sometimes things come up and one may lose track of time or some traumatic event could have unfolded, but really? Six hours...a little while. Maybe I am just weird like that, but I am taking it as a little inconsiderate. I know, I for one would at least pick up the phone and call to say something came up. I think that is just polite.

What do you think? Am I being pissy for no reason, overreacting or is this a common practice?

Why Is My Phone Not Ringing???

2006-04-29T13:19:00.001-07:00

That's it. My phone is not ringing. Mr. Wonderful has not called. I have not heard from him in almost a week now. I think his wonderfulness has faded.

On to my next victim...

Mr. Wonderful...maybe not so wonderful

2006-04-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am not so sure but I think I could have been wrong about how wonderful he may be. We had a date Friday night. We had a few drinks, some good food, more drinks, etc. My problem with Mr. Wonderful is this. Conversation.

As you remember from my previous post, he talks about himself a lot. Well, Friday night he did talk about himself, but that was it. I had to start each topic of conversation. It's like I would ask him something and he would answer with no elaboration...unless it was about himself.

I am still not going to give up just yet, I think I might can break him!

He said he would call sometime today and we might can get together before I pick my child up. As of yet, I have not heard from him. I keep checking my phone to make sure I have service and that it is on. Can you say paranoid schizophrenic obsessive compulsive freak??? Yep, that's me.

Monday Night Blues

2006-04-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

Mr. Wonderful and I had a couple drinks after work last night. All was good in the beginning.

Let's see, the conversation was, how shall I say....all about him!! Each time I changed the subject somehow he always brought it back around to himself. Which makes me wonder? Could Mr. Wonderful be Mr. All About Me All The Time? I hope not. Maybe he was just nervous and that is all he could come up with to talk about.

I am not ready to throw in the towel with him just yet. I am going to give him time to redeem himself and see what happens.

Numero Dos

2006-04-06T18:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, I admit, this date was not really a date. Just an outing. Two friends meeting for coffee and conversation. My mind kept wandering to the night before. Wondering if I had made an ass of myself, which I almost always do when I am drunk. Thank goodness he did not take me to a karaoke bar!!

Coffee was great and the company was okay....I was just preoccupied.

Not so sure we will be meeting up again, and hopefully I won't need to!! Hopefully, I will be seeing Mr. Wonderful again really soon.

Numero Uno

2006-04-06T18:07:00.000-07:00

The recounts from date #1 for the weekend...

Friday night and a date is on. I admit, I was a little nervous. I had a date with an attorney that I met at the Courthouse. I was actually introduced to him by a Court Clerk. He is very handsome and looks damn good in a suit. Definite plus.

I met him at the restaurant and we had a couple of drinks before being seated. He was drinking scotch and I had gin and tonic. Did you catch that in the first few statements, I mentioned I was nervous? Well, when I am nervous I don't eat. Therefore, I had not eaten all day and before I knew it.....smashed. I was drunk.

We were seated for dinner and I managed to order fish. (Good Catholic upbringing). The fish was good, from what I remember. The conversation was typical....the law, but interesting. He has a pretty good sense of humor and did not seem to mind my sarcasm.

After dinner he asked if I wanted to join him for an after dinner drink at a nearby bar. Bar...me, are you kidding, I was up for it. He drove us there and escorted me inside. You read that correctly, escorted...or maybe he was just trying to keep me from falling flat on my ass, but I am going with escorted. Sat and ordered another drink (which I did not need) and listened to a really good blues band. The more I drank, the better they sounded.

After drinks, he drove me home, thank goodness. We had some really good drunk conversation on the ride, which is always nice, especially when trying to remember the next morning. What the hell did we talk about?

This dear friends is where I think I may have pressed my luck. I invited him in for another drink or some coffee. That's right, inside my place. He politely declined and said he needed to get home. He offered to come pick me up later to go retrieve my car. I think I may love him already.

He said he had a good time and gave me a kiss. I was hoping for some tongue, but no such luck. OK, it's been a long, long time. He said he would be out of town all week and that maybe we could get together next week. Frankly, I have not been able to get him off my mind. He has emailed this week, which makes me feel a little better about all of this.

Dating scale of 1 - 10. 8.75. Definite points for looking and dressing good. Love a man that knows how to dress!

Dinner Date

2006-03-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

Well guys and gals this weekend brought something new on the dating front for me. A situation I have never encountered before. Let me start from the beginning.

I decided to have dinner with the guy that called me at work the other day. He is a diesel mechanic in the Army. I absolutely LOVE a man in uniform!! It can be a baseball uniform, police uniform, fireman, etc. I know nothing about diesel or mechanics, but figured I could come up with something to talk about with him. Wrong.

He picked me up at my place and we drove to the restaurant. I think we covered all the normal chit chat on the way to the restaurant. We struggled along with some more conversation and he actually taught me a couple of things about a diesel engine...you know, just in case I ever decide to buy one.

The meal was great. I had several glasses of wine and thought, "he must think I am a lush". I had a bottle of wine before I knew it. And at last the encounter...

The waiter brings the check and date does not have his wallet. I watched him fidget for a little while and then he excused himself from the table. I had cellphone in hand waiting to call a cab for a ride home. Thankfully, he did return sans wallet. He apologized and smiled and told me he must have left it on the table before coming to pick me up. Ok, so I pull out my credit card and pay for dinner. He tells me this is not the first time he has forgotten his wallet. I made sure I had everything I could have possibly needed for at least two days before I left home.

He took me home and apologized again for the evening.

On the dating scale of 1- 10, I would have to rate this one a 4. He gets points for the uniform and breathing. Points deducted for being forgetful, slow conversation and not offering to pay me back for dinner.

Is that being petty? Seriously, I am no Rockefeller.

We will see if he calls me again.

Have you ever...

2006-03-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those days that you just thought would never end? I had one of those on Sunday. The day my precious angel returned from dear ol' dad's place. Said precious angel kept telling me each time I scolded or disciplined, "I love my Daddy not you". After about the third time of this I wanted to scream at precious little angel, "Well, your Daddy is an alcoholic, drug and sex addict that has the judgment of a 10 year old". I bit my tongue. I figured it would only make me feel like an ass later. If anyone has any advice on this one, I would certainly appreciate it.

Oh, and if you have a great relationship or even decent relationship with your ex-spouse, I need advice on that as well. In my own little world, I seem justified in my bitterness. The therapist said I should just move on and fix myself. OK, "fix" myself?? I didn't know that I was broken or needed an overhaul. I think this may be some scheme to get me to keep coming back at $100 an hour. Therapist is out and blogging world is. You dear friends are my new found therapists. I mean really, where else can you read about my pathetic life and feel much better about your own?!?!

Ah, the dating world. Dude that called out of the blue called back and left me a voicemail. I did catch up with Jennifer and asked about him. She has no knowledge whatsoever. Her comments, "he seems nice, don't really know him, friend of my boyfriend's friend". Isn't that typical? A friend of a friend of a friend. Which basically means, I don't know anything. I think I may give lunch a shot and see what happens. He could be interesting.

At the shower last weekend, all I heard was if I would start dating I would be much better. Geez, never thought about that. Come on people, do you think I honestly like this single thing? I don't. I am not saying that I want to get married and have more children right now, but someone to hang out with would be nice. Maybe dinner and a movie.

Just some random thoughts as I procrastinate on the job.

Oh, the Life!!

2006-03-18T17:33:00.000-08:00

Today I made a realization. I went to my last single friend's wedding shower. Just as I have joined this elite group, in less than a month, I will be the sole member. Most of my friends are having their second child at this point in life, I on the other hand, am back to being single.

Another GREAT Friday Night

2006-03-17T17:41:00.000-08:00

Here it is, Friday night, and I am home...home alone, that is. I fondly remember the days of getting out of class on Fridays or even off of work to rush home to get ready for a date. Not the case these days. I think I even remember getting excited a few times about going out with Satan.

I did get an interesting phone call at work today. Some random dude on the other end says, "Your friend Jennifer said I should give you a call". What?!?! No warning or anything. I don't know anything about him. I wanted to just slump in my chair and beat my head against my desk. He asked if I wanted to maybe go to dinner tonight. RIGHT! Like I really want to go to dinner with a complete stranger and end up in the river. I can see the headlines now, "Girl floats up at Tom Lee Park because she stupidly went on a date with a serial killer". Makes me wonder about my friendship with Jennifer. Is she feeling sorry for me or did I piss her off and not realize it? On that note, I did tell him he could give me a call next week for lunch.

My day was filled with interesting phone calls. Satan called to discuss a few things. I really was not in the mood and found myself raising my voice and getting red in the face. Neither a good sign for me. It means that I am about to get hostile. For some reason, I just can't get past the fact that he started dating someone before our divorce was ever finalized. Now that it is over, he is engaged. I wonder if she is wearing the same engagement ring that I had to return? Then I come to my senses and ask myself why I even care. Truth is, I don't, or maybe I do. Maybe I am just a worry wart.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

The Blind Date from HELL

2006-03-14T05:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have reduced myself to being "set up". A co-worker set me up with a guy her husband works with.

Dinner was good, except that he had never eaten Chinese food before. This from a 40 year old man! I was appalled. Then we went to have an after dinner drink. He kept getting text messages from his 15 year old daughter, just checking to see how things were going. D also commented that he could not believe that his Mother had not called yet to see how things were going. MORTIFIED. He had tattoos which I am not at all opposed to. I actually like them. One thing I did learn on this disasterous date, if you do get a tattoo, don't get a person's name. He had some name on his shoulder and it was not his ex-wife! Just some girl he dated before the wife. I wonder if it pissed her off? He also had some sort of clown with a scary face. This one creeped me out as I don't really care for clowns. The conversation was the PITS.

I was anxious as the date ended. He, of course, wanted to know if we could go out again. "Just give me a call sometime", is what I told him. What the hell was I thinking?!? I think it was my polite gene taking over, but there will definitely not be a 2nd date.

Back to the drawing board and looking for Mr. Right, if he even exists.

A Little About Me

2006-03-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

Now that I have gotten that first post out of the way, I feel like I could write for days!

A little about me. Where, oh where to begin?

Well, I am a rather newly divorced 33 year old. Dated the ex off and on for 4 years and was married to him for 6. That is 10 long years of my life that I am trying to get behind me.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't always bad. He has demons that he cannot control. On that note, he will now be called Satan from this point on.

I will admit, I have spent several hours in counseling/therapy. At one such instance, I did make a rather solemn Methodist minister curse.

First Try

2006-03-10T21:45:00.000-08:00

Well, here goes...my very first post.

It seems that the dating world is not my friend. I know that the dating world is not that kind to many of us divorcees out there. I just, for some unforeseen reason, thought that this would be much easier. I don't remember dating being this difficult before in life. Could it be that my getting older has altered my perception of what dating should be and how it should be done?

I know there has to be a few other people out there that are in my shoes per se.